In June 1980, while I was working as a barmaid in a local hotel, my partner had a very serious accident and could have been killed. He was hit by a huge, 80 ton truck and suffered a broken pelvis. Whilst in hospital he received visits from the minister of the church his family had attended. These visits continued after he came home and the minister was very kind and full of concern and he had something about him; something that I liked and wanted for myself. He never mentioned the fact that we were living together even though we were not married or the fact that I was working as a barmaid.

He eventually married us in October of 1980. As he visited he would read a portion of the bible and pray with us. He also left bible study notes from time to time. These very often ended up being thrown into our open fire. After a time, I began to read some of them and even looked up the suggested passages in a bible I had received from the Sunday School I had attended as a child. I started praying too. Just about this time the minister asked me to go along to a service in his church. After much thought, I decided to go. He preached a sermon about 'being born again'. I spoke to someone about this later and asked what it meant. I was told that I had to pray and ask God's forgiveness for my sins and then ask Him to help me to live my life His way. When I replied that I had been doing this for some time, there was great rejoicing and I was completely overwhelmed to learn that I had become a Christian. I had been 'born again' into a new life with Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.

A Christian is simply someone who believes that Christ died to save them from their sins and has asked Him into their lives to be Lord and master. It does not mean living under a whole set of rules and regulations or doing good and maybe one day, if your good enough, getting into Heaven. When you live in a family situation, your parents love you and gently instruct you in the way you should do things. It is the same when you become a Christian; you become a member of a very large family with God as your Father. Christians want to do what pleases their Heavenly Father.

Up until this time, I lived in a state of fear. Fear of tomorrow, fear of dying, fear of what was going to happen in the world. I could not look at a newspaper or watch news programmes on television. I had four children to look after and wasn't able to give them the love and attention they needed and deserved. I had gone through a very unhappy time during the lead up to and finally, divorce procedures. I had been on antidepressants for ten years and I could see absolutely no point to life at all.

If God wanted me to become a Christian, did He make it happen? Did He force His will upon me? Firstly, God could have made us all like robots doing whatever He wanted but instead He gave us all a wonderful gift of freewill. Basically, we can do what we want but all our actions have consequences. God said in the Bible that "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" [Romans 6:23] and "All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God". [Romans 3:23] If we believe that the Bible is the word of God as it states in 2 Timothy 3:16 - "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness", we must also believe the other passages quoted. We are all considered sinful in God's eyes as He is a Holy God who can tolerate no sin. We are condemned to die as stated in Romans 6:23 but through Jesus' death and resurrection we can have eternal life. All we have to do is believe that Jesus died to pay the penalty for our sin. I believe that God wants us all to believe and that He knows who will make a decision to follow Him and who will not at the beginning of our lives perhaps even since the beginning of time. I believe He wanted me to know Him and that He put various people and events into my life to give me the opportunity to make an informed decision but that, ultimately, the decision was mine.

Gradually, things didn't seem so black any more. The birds sang. People smiled. We lived in a beautiful part of the country. Why hadn't I noticed before? Soon I was off the antidepressants and teaching in Sunday School. I also felt that it was unsuitable for me to be working as a barmaid and so I resigned even though we really needed the money but "My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus" [Philippians 4:19]. This passage has proved to be true and is very special to me. I have learned that God loves me - warts and all. He accepts me for who I am and in whatever state I'm in. I can talk to Him whenever I like. I still find it completely awesome that the Great God Almighty, Creator of the Universe knows me and cares about me. In fact, He has given me the right to call Him Father. He loves me when I'm doing His will but He still loves me when I wander off in my own direction and do things which He doesn't want me to.

Being a Christian doesn't make me exempt from trouble or health problems but I have God beside me all the time helping me when I'm ill or when someone has been nasty to me. Indeed, it is in times like those when I feel closer to God. Perhaps this is because it is when I'm weak I rely on Him more. I also know that He still performs miracles to this very day. I was very ill and the doctors thought that the prognosis was not good but after being prayed for the surgeon did not find what he had expected. The relief on the faces of the medical staff when they got my results spoke volumes. I believe God Healed me.

Becoming a Christian is the best thing that could have happened to me, or to anyone else for that matter. It was the most life -changing experience that has ever happened to me. "I once was lost but now I'm found; Was blind but now I see" as John Newton put it in his hymn 'Amazing Grace'. I don't have all the answers to life's problems. I don't know what the future holds but I'm not scared of it any more. I know that "I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord". [Romans 8:38] I am concerned about what is happening in the world at this moment in time but it does not make me want to run away and hide or sleep all day. I don't much look forward to the manner of my death but what could be lovelier than spending eternity with Jesus and with all my dear Christian friends singing and praising God? I have learned to live a day at a time and to live that day to its fullest. As Jesus himself said "I have come in order that they might have life and have it to the fullest." [John 10:10]

If you'd like to read these passages for yourself you'll find them ... here.

If you are looking for more help try ...this site.

Maybe you should just go along to your local church or perhaps join an "Alpha" Course. To find out more about these ... go to this site.

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