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BOY FOUND IN McDONALD'S SANDWICH |
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Kevin Doozy and WPC Deisel
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BOY FOUND IN McDONALD'S SANDWICH |
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Kevin Doozy, the 10 year old boy missing from his Ashford home for three days, was found yesterday hiding under a pile of polystyrene containers in a branch of McDonald's in Sandwich, Kent. He had survived by eating the food discarded by toy collectors. Undercover police from Kent and Sussex had earlier infiltrated McDonald's wearing party hats in an operation codenamed "Operation Party Hat" |
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SUGAR
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| WPC Doris Deiselle (30ish), wearing a pale blue party hat with a gold band, said that Kevin had suffered nothing more serious than minor obesity, tooth decay, and a chemical overdose. However, a spokesman for the multinational cow empire read out this statement:-- "The food-style refreshment served at our outlets is entirely sugar and chemical free, apart from the chemicals and sugars essential to the reconstitution of meat slurry, and the provision of cloying sweetness to our soft drinks and shakes." |
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BIG
McSTEAK
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he tucked into a Big McSteak Happy Meal with Extra Caries, Kevin told
police that he had run away from home because his parents had made him
eat what they described as "proper food". Superintendent Samuel
Farago (47), the officer in charge of the hunt said; "In all my years
of policing I have not come across a case of child abuse quite as bad
as this one. Kevin's so-called "parents" forced him to chew
his food thoroughly before swallowing it, which is bad enough for a young
lad, but tragically, the "food" seems to have consisted almost
entirely of organic meat and vegetables, some of which is actually grown
in excrement." Superintendent Farago was wearing a De Luxe velour party hat in hot pink with a silver glitter finish (all branches of Debenham's £12.99). |
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