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TALES OF OLDE HASTINGES by Tom Crappe |
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TALES OF OLDE HASTINGES by Tom Crappe |
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Why
It seems like only yesterday
I was a plucky young whippersnapper in short breeches combing the beach
at Rock a Nore for washed up treasure from the many pirate galleons
that was wrecked on the shark infested reefs of Olde Hastefngs as it
was then known.
It must be all of twenty years since the last public execution in Warrior Square, but I still harbour fond memories of the good old days and Saturday Morning Beheadings. You could enjoy a good beheading with your pint in every pub in Hastings on a Saturday morning, with the exception of The Sheep & Welshman in Robertson St., where hanging, drawing and quartering was still a popular attraction, along with the excellent cheesy bar snacks. Venturing into the Old Town of a Saturday night was a rite of passage for all lusty teenage lads. In those daysThai Ladyboy Wrestling drew huge crowds to the Old Harbour Arena, with Cod Fighting and Seagull Baiting also on the bill. Further up in The Bourne, Siamese Twins Wah and Woo ran Wisheee Washee's Mah Jong Parlour, where for a penny you could get a pipe of opium, and still have enough change to chance your arm with Delerious Dora the Siren of Rock a Nore. Staggering home in pea-soup fog, we would often hail a horse drawn cab, mug the driver and steal his gasmask. I'm told young folk today think sex was invented in the Sixties! Sex was invented in 1927 by physicist Carlton Fanshaw, who's peerless research into yeast bi-products led to a saucy discovery as he was cycling home from his laboratory one night. He called his invention "Wowy" and intended using it to generate steam for chinese laundries. However, as luck would have it, student guinea pigs discovered another use for what we now know as sex. Cheers! Old Duffer NEXT ISSUE-WHEN HASTINGS RULED THE MEDITERRANEAN AND COD WAS KING |