Since meeting "Doctor" Plankton two years ago on a Devon caravan holiday, The Blairs, both previously non smokers, have acquired a sixty a day cigarette habit. Tony Blair also gets through several pipes of Old Bovine Special Shag, as well as up to a dozen imported Cuban cigars after every meal, claiming they give him a "Churchillian aura". During a recent lunch at the Glastonbury branch of The Ancient Antedeluvian Order of the Left Hand Path, Mr. Blair was again quizzed about the sinister figure lurking behind government doors.
"Dr. Plankton is a friend, but above all, a trusted er.....friend. This whole business is, frankly...... and I say this frankly becus that is what it is...... beyond the pale. I am frankly just a bit fed up of my Chez being treated like a victim of some mad zombie sect or other just because she talks to dead people when frankly, and I speak frankly with you here-all Cherie is guilty of, is trying to look after our children's future by buying them some houses, whilst simultaneously interfering in the nation's affairs like any other single mum." Mr. Blair lit another cigar. "If I can speak frankly at you, running the McGovernment, particularly when there are unpopular wars to drum up, can be a bit like juggling a lot of balls. To be ever so frank with you, with so many balls flying around it may from time to time become necessary to employ a professional juggler- or as in Dr. Plankton's case a fully qualified demonologist - to ensure that my balls ramain in the air at all times, instead of dropping, like this one, into the ashtray of some hysterical journalist".

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